How is Perfectionism Affecting You?

perfectionism guide

Have you fallen off the wagon from time to time? , do procrastinate a lot?

Do you overthink what to do to the point that prevents you from taking action?

do you want people to like you which stopping you from being who you want to be?

Do you want to score perfectly in following a habit, plan, project..etc?

do you feel like everything you try fails?

do you obsess about how to do something, doing it in the right way?

Then, I bet you are a perfectionist and in this post, I’ll break it down to you and what you can do about it 

What’ll learn:

• -what is perfectionism
• -why are you like that
• -signs of perfectionism that help you to know if you are
• -solutions to each sign
• -how can you overcome perfectionism

What is perfectionism

Perfectionism is

It’s not about being punctual, super productive, or having good attention to details 

it is trying to look perfect and do things perfectly to avoid feeling shame

Where Perfectionism Comes From

 it comes from wanting to avoid feeling shame from knowing you’re inadequate and your talents

and abilities are fixed but you think and have been led to think that you are an intelligent person

which leads you to want to preserve your image of being a person with high potential 

The person who identifies with it is most likely to be In a fixed mindset

(think their talents/abilities are fixed and everything  is a sign of  having them or not)

Perfectionism Signs & Solutions

1-All Or Nothing

Having the black & white mentality toward things. either it’s good or bad.

Eg. You’re good at coaching or not, smart or not, good at math or bad at math..etc

solution

think of things as a spectrum you aren’t good or bad you are at point zero

but you can reach 100 as you practice and learn

you can find the rest here

2-Overwhelm

Getting overwhelmed By the number of things, you have to do. You take more than you can bear because you want to please people or because you’re smart & productive

solution

learn to identify the needle mover in your work or

to your goal then start working on them

plan properly how? I have a few resources for you

1-my free complete planning workbook here

2-how to plan properly post

3-how to do weekly planning

and more tips on overcoming overwhelm here

3-Confusion

About What to do, where to start, are you doing the right thing,…etc

solution

limit your consumption and information searching which is one of the major reasons for that

ask yourself

am I afraid of what you want to do? because that can be a reason for the confusion

if I had to choose/do something what would I do? then do as you answer

find out more tips here

4-Burnout

Due to working under pressure, under stress, working at the last minute, overthinking…etc

working from ” it’s not enough, I should do more”

solution

you can find ways to help you stop burning out in this post

5-Overthinking

what to do, say, give..etc

Getting trapped in trying to find the right thing,

to make sure you know everything because you’re responsible and honest,

trying to think of all possible scenarios,

solution

you can find ways on how to stop overthinking here

6-Procrastination

Putting work to the last minute, doing unnecessary tasks, getting yourself wrapped up in I don’t what to do & where to start..etc

solution

you can find how to stop procrastinating in this post

7-Overcomplicate

Trying to figure out all the details from the get-go, you can’t accept that things can be easy

because you operate from I need to work hard to succeed,

if it’s not hard it’s not valuable, I can’t succeed if I don’t work hard

8-People Pleasing

Looking for approval from others, especially parents. trying to fit in.

Because we disapprove of ourselves we want them to say we’re good enough,

looking for validation and praise from outside,

wanting people to like us and not be the odd one in our community

solution

you can start overcoming it by pleasing yourself by giving yourself compliments, making your own decisions

9-Having High Standards

Having big goals is great for growth but you don’t need things to be perfect, like so & so 

it leads to thriving for perfection which leads you to get stuck

because you can’t do it perfectly from the time or 1st few times

which leads you to feel disappointed and think you can’t do it and start to look

for something else doesn’t help you follow through and get to your goal

Eg. you want to post every day like that huge account that has a team behind it

and you feel you are in the wrong and inadequate if you don’t

solution

the cure is to focus on progress and effort not perfection when having these standards means you

expect yourself to follow them 70-80% of the time but not 100% of the time

10-Fear Of Judgment

You’re afraid of what others think of you and most likely you’re scared of the judgment of a specific person (eg. a parent)

to say that what you’re doing isn’t real work..etc

solution

face it by defining it, understand its effect on you when you do it or not, and prepare things to do if your fear becomes true.

a great exercise that will help here is the fear-setting exercise by Tim Ferriss

11- Playing Small

Choosing small goals so, you don’t get disappointed if you don’t reach the big goal.

You don’t believe you can reach your goal even though you think you’re full of potential

that’s because you think your abilities and talent are fixed all you can do is preserve your image by

not doing things that you’ve never done before which you are not good at which inevitably

at the beginning you will fail ie have challenges and obstacles that you need to overcome

solution

understand that your abilities and talents aren’t fixed that you can develop and obstacles

plus challenges are part of learning a new skill which is true according to science (D

12-Over Committing To Many Things

Want to do so much & having too many things to do so,

if something doesn’t work you can always blame lack of time and not feel ashamed because of it

13-Wanting To Know Everything Before Starting.

everything is perfect so, you can succeed 

14-Nothing feels enough no matter how much we achieve or know

15- Good At Planning But Not Following Through

what can you do to overcome perfectionism

1- adopt a growth mindset which entails that your talents and abilities aren’t fixed but can be developed and learned by

(credit to Dr carol Deock )

2-talk shame out don’t avoid the feeling but get it out through talking to a therapist,

or someone you trust or writing about what happens and your feelings in a journal

express it because what your avoidness signals to your brain is something scary

that you should stay away from and it enforces your thoughts that you are not good enough

(credit to Brene Brown)

3-praise your effort and progress that you make no matter how small or big it is

(credit to Dr carol Deock )

4-put that in practice by setting a goal planning it and following through with it using the perfectionist planning system.

you can learn more about it here as you work on your goal you will face all the signs above and then you start working through them one by one and

start using the previous 3 tips immediately

(credit to Sam Laura Brown)

comment below,did any of the signs hit home for you?

Resources:

Perfectionism Project podcast by Sam Laura Brown

Especially episodes 45, 135, 270, 276

power planning method by Sam Laura Brown

Brene Brown’s lecture for TED Talk on YouTube

growth mindset book by Dr carol Deock