Why It’s Okay To Not Have Everything Figured Out

Why it’s okay to not have everything figured out

I had felt lost and behind many times in my life, and didn’t know how to deal with it.

When you hit adulthood, there’s hidden pressure to have your life together, which wasn’t me.

I didn’t know what to do, how my life would turn up, which led me to feel lost and stuck

I kid you not, I stayed there for years, coping with avoidance and eating.

My turning point came after listening to much advice, journaling, asking myself questions, and asking for guidance from Allah(God).

I came to accept the fact that it’s okay to not have everything figured out after so long of resistance,

That uncertainty isn’t bad, and this is part of personal growth, which isn’t linear or easy.

started taking action on my dreams, not knowing how my life would turn up and still doing it

I wrote this post for anyone who feels the same, and what can they do to start figuring things out one step at a time 

What you’ll learn:

1- Why it’s okay to not have it all figured out

2-how to start figuring things out

Why it’s okay to not have everything figured out

Here are my reasons why it’s okay to not have everything figured out

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.

1-life is uncertain

Nothing in life is certain except for a few things, but what will happen, when will this or that happen,

how it will happen(even with you taking action it could come from a different path than you’ve started)

I know it can be hard to accept that to your core

because certain means security and safety for most of us and our brains love that, so does the society at large

That’s why they want you to take those paths.

However, if you don’t want to, your brain and society will resist and try to sabotage you

Know that’s normal when it happens, and learn step by step to embrace uncertainty

even if it takes time for you to reach peace with it

2-feeling lost isn’t a problem

We tend to make a big deal of our negative emotions

(your feelings are valid, and we can do something about them)

Feeling lost it’s the same as feeling joy, it’s a feeling.

It is caused by beliefs,thoughts, and triggers we have

So, there are 2 things to do:

1-take proactive steps toward change 

Find why you are feeling that way,

Define what actions you can take to overcome the cause

Exa. you could be feeling lost because you’re not in a good place in your career, then

Define where you want to be, what action could you take today to reach that?

Take one small step forward after you finish take another

But if you are taking action but still feel lost, it means you’re comparing yourself to others what or where you should be

Instead of looking at how far you’ve come and your accomplishments,

even if they’re “small” in your eyes

2-With time, if you accept that feelings, whether negative or positive, are part of our human experience, and

nothing has gone wrong if we experience any,

because as long as we live, we will experience both ends of the spectrum 

3-life is a journey that unfolds as we take action

You can’t know what really happens along a journey of the unknown,

despite knowing your destination,

That’s what life is a journey of unknown events that unfold as we move through it,

Taking action on things we are interested in and important to us

Taking Action is what reveals the next level,

like in a game, you won’t know what happens in the next level

until you play it and finish the previous one,

despite knowing the destination, which is winning the game 

So, take action, be patient, have a destination in mind

to give you purpose and focus, and

Take care of your mind as you do your body

4-everyone is on their own path, you’re not behind

That’s a wonderful reminder to keep going every time your brain wires to this.

Every person is on their own path, even if both of you are on the outside aiming for the same goal,

that doesn’t mean you’re really on the same path.

You’ll have similarities and differences based on many things,

like luck, family connection, education, major events,..etc

That is prevalent to people you are friends with,

are in the same age group or people on social media.

People on social media aren’t ahead of you; you don’t know what they have been through and

What advantages they may have that helped them that you lack, or vice versa 

You only see what they want you to see,

so don’t go trusting everything and hurting yourself in the process

Trust your creator(god, Allah) and know

that he chooses the best time and path for us, even if it is hard 

5-the human race is about progress, not perfection

You find evidence throughout human evolution.

We progress to different levels in our human evolution.

We didn’t get there from the start, and we didn’t know what would happen,

But as we move, take action for a better future, we progress,

also applies to both big and small scales for every human

How to start figuring it out, one step at a time 

1- Having self-compassion is the start

It’s important to treat yourself with kindness and understanding

throughout your life and your journey towards your goals, and figuring that out

because you’re human, you’ll make mistakes, take “wrong” turns, misstep here and there;

moreover, you need to have your own back 

Don’t judge an over-identify with your mistakes, negative thoughts and feelings, “bad” decisions… etc.

You are more than any of those; you are a wonderful soul who has a lot of potential

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Here is a guide on building self-compassion

How To Develop Self Compassion : a simple guide

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2- Self-acceptance is the guide forward

Accepting your humanity and part of it is being imperfect, IT takes work, but you can get there

Accepting your brain tendencies and how it works,

even if it wants you to stay in fear, comfort, and safety

Accepting that your action might not lead you forward, but rather backward, a different turn…

Accepting all of your good and amazing traits, choices,

and actions while also accepting your shortcomings, failures, and mistakes

You can’t figure things out if you keep fighting with yourself and your humanity 

Make peace with yourself and how our brains work,

only then you can start seeing a path emerge

3- Embodying the growth mindset for life

“The growth mindset is the belief that your intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort, dedication, and learning from mistakes”  — carol dweck

Adopting this mindset will help you show up for your life, knowing that your abilities are changeable and

you can grow, challenges help you learn, so as your failures and mistakes.

persevere toward your goal(s), knowing that with enough effort, you’ll get there

Improve your ability to learn and grow as a whole, which in turn helps you take action even

When you don’t know the whole way to your goals

or experimenting to find what you truly desire, because you believe you can do it

4-embracing discovery and curiosity 

Adopt a curiosity and discovery mindset toward your path to your goal and life

Look at your life as an experiment.

You’re an explorer going about to find your treasure

When you set a goal instead of having plans, make experiments to get there,

test them by taking action, reflecting, taking action again,

You can apply the same logic to your whole life,

which will help you figure out what is really meant for you

Ask yourself: what would a scientist who has this as his hypothesis do, have, think about …?

5- Overcoming the pressure of societal expectations and the comparison trap

This pressure misleads us to feeling conflicted when our desires don’t match society.

and into thinking we are behind because we are not following the social plan.

Comparing yourself to others’ milestones leads you to feel behind, less than, stuck when you are not

here are a few ideas to help you out:

Give yourself permission to choose what you want and abandon society and

Whoever else’s expectations of you, be proud even if it’s an unknown path or seems scary.

Remember, trying to forge your own path is so much better than regretting

you’re not behind anyone.

It is just a perception you get from seeing people share their wins, results only,

and

you’re on your own path that’s different from anyone else’s 

You are only behind if you know you are not doing what it takes,

and that is solvable by taking action, one step at a time

6- Developing self-love on the road to Personal Growth 

The growth road is endless and filled with bitholes and bumps and

cracks all the way with smooth pavement in between,

If you choose to embark on it, you’ll grow, and

You need to take care of yourself, along with loving yourself, 

because that would make the journey enjoyable, moreover, fulfilling

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Here is an in-depth guide on self-love 

How To Practice Self Love : a complete guide

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7-Letting go of control

Having the need to control is a huge reason why you feel lost, behind in your life

i know that Control makes you feel certain, however, that’s impossible

Instead, you need to release control, and here are a few ways how:

1-Trusting the process and the divine timing is a big one when it comes to figuring your life out 

Believe in the plan and taking action, even if there are no immediate results

2-focus on what you can control, including feelings, actions you can take,

and accept what you can’t. Focus on the process 

3-process, regulate, and accept your emotions

The desire for control is a feeling caused by thought or belief.

Identify it, find when it happens, and what ignites it,

know why you feel you need to control, then consciously change your thoughts

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Here is how to change your thoughts and beliefs

1-The First Steps To Shed The Limiting Beliefs That Standing In Your Way Of Being A Confident Person

2-How To Change Your Beliefs (rewrite your negative stories)

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4-seek your own guidance and be kind to yourself throughout the process of releasing control

5-find a supportive therapist or community 

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In summary,

Figuring out your life is a process that you progress through with action

as you experiment your way there

You’ll learn what really needs to be done and

Find your true path that is unfolding as you move through life

You’ll feel lost, confused, and stuck at times,

But you need to trust the process because it will make sense in time.

Give yourself permission to grow to get to the next step on your path step by step.

I know sometimes it feels exhausting and stressful to

not know how your life will turn up and what it will be, what steps and things lie ahead

That’s ok, just redirect your mind toward how far you’ve gotten toward your goal,

dream, and life in general, you’re doing better than you think.

Keep this post as a reminder when you need a gentle hand to pat you

Comment, have you felt like that? How do you deal with it? How do you figure your life out?

You’ve read why it’s okay to not have everything figured out

Wishing you the best

wafaa