How Do I Become Confident : A Simple 7-Step System to Take Control of Your Confidence

How do I become confident

I used to have cripplin shyness that made it hard to be around people and interact with people

I thought something was wrong with me. couldn’t speak to someone at any setting without breaking a sweat– wasn’t confident speaking to anyone except for family

until I took steps to change that.

In this post, I’ll share my story with a complete guide and a resource to start building your confidence

What you’ll learn:

1- My story from shy to confident around people and talking to people 

2- The step-by-step guide on how to become confident in any area(how do i become confident)

from shy to confident, to start following my dreams

I had been living my life isolated, crippled with fear and shyness. had a hard time talking to people, especially initiating it and continuing it, if somehow it happened, it instigates a strong feeling of fear, anxiety.

I prepare for everything, social gatherings, special events, simple conversations, talking to people at any capacity,

lose sleep over it, and still get tongue-tied, sweaty palms, fast heart rate for the simplest of things like asking the price of something, and if I manage it, my voice comes low, strained, hoarse.

As you can imagine, it was hard to make friends or do the simplest of things on my own, much less express myself

At the same time, i have ambition, dreams, and goals i want to achieve, many of which would involve connecting and talking to people,

And if i can’t talk in general without fear, hesitation, and overthinking, then how can I make connections with others and express myself better

While i was in college, I had my breaking moment i knew that i had to do something to change, or nothing would change. I wouldn’t be able to pursue my goals and dreams

So, i searched how to become confident, read and watched a few things online until

 i came upon the book The 7 Secrets of Confidence book in the bookstore. read it and started working through it.

It had a huge impact on my feeling confident and comfortable talking to people, after Allah.

i can now talk to people much easier, not breaking a sweat in most situations, especially at the basic level

You too can go from shy to confident in communicating with people, in social settings, and much more

You can go from 0 to 100 in your confidence if you make up your mind and really work on it 

Confidence is a key factor in the actions you take, as is your self-belief and mindset. If you try to push past who you think you are now, you’ll most likely fail.

Instead of pushing past who you are, why not change who you are and become what you want, one step at a time

How do I become confident

The following tips are based on the book The 7 Secrets of Confidence

It will help you build confidence in anything, and you can read the book for ready-to-use guides

designed for certain situations where people commonly feel shy, afraid, or anxious. 

Here is the method to build your confidence in any area of your life

(according to the book, in my own words)

Note that most of these tips are optional. Choose a few that sound good to you, unless it’s written

1-release of the past

Analyzing your past without any action to move away into a brighter future is keeping you stuck and impacting your confidence negatively

The past is gone, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But there’s so much you can do to shape your future 

Few tips to help you move on and let go of the past:

Note that steps 1 and 5 are not to be skipped, and you can choose one method from 2to4

1- Give yourself permission to let go because that’s fundamental for moving on

You can’t skip it, unlike the rest, in which you can choose

Nothing you can do about the past, and now is the time to change, and that starts here by letting go of the past

Tell yourself that you accept that you have permission to let go

2-affirm that’s gone

After giving yourself permission to let go, now it’s time to affirm that you have let go of what affected your confidence

So, prepare and  construct short, straightforward sentences that reinforce your decisions, “affirmations” like” I have released my past, I feel calm and free from the past events

That you will repeat mentally 100 (600 according to the book, but I never did that, so do what suits you)times a day for 3 weeks 

3-See it disappear

Here, you’ll visualize the past disappearing/drifting into the past through mental imagery 

Here are 3 ways you can do it:

-Imagine something that represents the past, whether that is a shape, word, etc, then see it evaporate 

-Visualise a past scene, then see it drift into the distance until you can’t see it anymore

-Or, take the experience from the past and visualize yourself putting it in a box, then locking it and putting the key somewhere safe

4-the 1h ritual

For 1h, discuss the past and examine your emotions, then agree to move on and that the past is no more. You can do it with someone professional, someone you trust, or alone in a journal

Then turn your mind into optimism and excitement that you can now become confident 

5-get angry and get even

It’s natural to be angry and want to express it, but you need to do it in a safe environment and a safe way

Otherwise, it can have psychological and physical health effects

Choose a safe environment, and here are some safe ways:

-You can get physical by using a pillow, a towel, and a bat

Place the towel on the pillow, start hitting the pillow with the bat while imagining what and who you are angry about, whilst yelling and saying what you want to them.

Or do it in a different way:

-Write or draw your feelings, then rip them up

-shouting in a safe place

-Pretended to talk to the person who made you angry 

6-celebrate

Another mandatory step. After you have made the decision to let go of the past and have done one of the previous strategies,

Then celebrate by taking yourself to dinner, giving yourself something nice, going to a nice place,…etc, in doing so, you will embed in your mind that you have moved on

2-embrace imperfection 

It’s bad for your health as it leads to hyper-anxiety, driving your confidence down as well as the results

Here are a few strategies to override it:

1-You need to accept failure and give yourself permission to do so as part of your life, and don’t hyperficate on mistakes and details 

2-Accept mistakes as part of the learning process. Do the best you can at anything, and if you fail, that’s ok, you learn from it and do a better job next time

3-Acknowledge when you complete a task or a project that you’ve achieved it. 

4-Don’t over-commit and stretch yourself to make things perfect

5-Don’t compare yourself to others, do your best, not what you think someones think you should do

Remember that people will always find fault in what you do, so don’t be bothered by it 

6-If you make mistakes or things don’t go as planned, take a deep breath and remember that it’s ok and move on

7-You can analyze your plans, what you did and will do, your thoughts..etc, in moderation through setting time boundaries for the analysis itself, then move into action.

Perfectionists tend to overanalyze, which can lead you starting but never finishing projects, tasks..etc

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Here is another post if you want to understand perfectionism more deeply and overcome it

How is Perfectionism Affecting You?

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3-relax your mind and body

Anxiety and stress block confidence, which is why you need to relax your mind, and for your own health.

When your mind is relaxed allows you to express your thoughts and act in a great way. To be confident, you need to get rid of anxiety 

Tips to help you relax:

(Note: Choose some and practice them daily)

1- Breathing is a great tool for relaxation

There are a number of breathing techniques that you can adopt into your daily life 

I will share an easy one, which is focused breathing: sit down, close your eyes

Focus on breathing slowly and deeply, imagine as you breathe out that you are letting go of all tension, and as you breathe in, that you breathe in relaxation 

2-exercise has numerous benefits on your mind and body

And the immediate benefit is the feeling of calm you get and how energized you feel 

It gets rid of anxiety and stress, gives an outlet for negative emotions, and improves your confidence because with a relaxed mind, you are in more control of your capabilities 

3-give yourself time away from others who drain you. Sometimes you need to be selfish with your time so you can later better support them after you fill your own cup

4-light a candle or use your sense of smell to help you relax 

There are a number of automatic oils that can help you relax your nervous system

5- Managing our time properly and clearly by focusing on the important and not over-committing ourselves is a great way to feel relaxed

6-be aware of what you consume in your body

There are certain foods and drinks that contribute to you being tense and anxious, like coffee, refined sugar, fatty foods…

4-change your thoughts

because that determines who you are and what you do, so reprogram your unconscious mind through mind games(techniques) to shift your mindset, thus changing who you are  

Using these techniques will help develop your confidence 

The goal is to speak to your unconscious mind and instruct it to become confident

which is why you need to relax to bypass the conscious mind 

Here are a few ways you can shift your mindset through speaking to your unconscious mind

1-command and deliver

Construct 3 sentences that you will place deep in your unconscious mind after you relax

examples: I am accelerating confidence, I’m becoming confident…

After you enter relaxation, start mentally repeating these commands /sentences over and over again

While imaging them sinking deep in your mind, once you’ve done, take 6 deep breaths 

Then count from 0 to 10, open your eyes at 8, and fully awake at 10

2-soap opera

After relaxation, visualize yourself performing confidently in the situation that fazes you. What you see, hear, and feel are all positive

like you’re in your own soap opera while paying attention to the interactions you have with other people

3-act as if you’re confident every day 

In doing so, you’re sending messages to your unconscious mind that this is the way you are

Pick something from what you will do this week that requires confidence.

Then do what confident people do in this situation, how they move their body, talk, what they say to themselves mentally …etc

The more you act confident, the more you’ll become

5-improve your overall looks

because that will help you feel good, in turn, that will make you feel confident 

General tips:

1-take care of your face, start your skincare routine if you haven’t already, not only will that help you feel good, irresistible, and thus confident

2-start applying makeup to accentuate what we have in order to build confidence from within and help us deal with issues in our face(if you don’t like it, skip it).

3-always have a good hair day

Having hairstyles that are suitable for your face and having your hair in good condition creates confidence in your appearance

4- up your style

wear clothes and style based on your personality, body shape, and what colors suit you

Don’t repeat outfits and looks because what you wear affects your confidence and how others see you

Take the time to look into this to amp up your confidence 

6-face your fear, your problem, and overcome it by taking action

Now is the time to take action; you can’t just do things in your mind.

1-Choose a task that will give the “ouch” factor, outside of your comfort zone, and related to the areas where you want to be confident

2-Plan out these tasks, be specific about what, when, and how you’ll take action on them

3-Once you have completed a task, reflect and evaluate how it went, how you could’ve done it better, and how it improved your confidence

4-Celebrate by rewarding yourself with anything that you may fancy, like a meal out, flowers…etc

congratulate yourself for doing it, and always be positive because everything you do and did will help you grow in confidence and your ability to overcome whatever comes your way

7-choose role models to step into when you want to amp up your confidence 

1-Choose one(s) that relates to where you want to be confident, evaluate them by checking their beliefs, values, attitudes, and behaviours

2-Transplant the key excellent traits to you, and when you need to increase your confidence, step into their shoes 

Alternatively, write who you want to be and use that as clothes you pull on when you want to drive up your confidence 

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Here are a few posts to help you shift your identity

How To Shift Your Identity To Reach Your Goal

Can Identity Change? What Are The Signs Of Identity Shifting

What Stand In Your Way To Shift Your Identity: Obstacles To Shifting Your Identity

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Summary,

Being shy and insecure can change with the right method and professional help, if you need it.

You can be confident no matter what area or situation you feel shy, embarrassed, or afraid in. 

Just identify where you want to be confident, whether that is at work, in social settings, in conversations, in how you look…etc,

then implement and practice these steps here and you will see a tremendous difference.

This was my take and experience on becoming confident

How about you? What are your thoughts and experiences on becoming confident in any area of your life?

You’ve read how do i become confident

Wishing you the best

wafaa